Blog 9/26:🍝 What do you call fake spaghetti? 🍝

What do you call fake spaghetti? Im-pasta.

Anyway … this isn’t about bad jokes, but about a little something called imposter syndrome. For those who don’t know, imposter syndrome is defined as a “psychological occurrence in which people doubt their skills, talents, or accomplishments and have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as frauds.” Although I had known of this term for a while, it wasn’t until recently I realized: dam … that’s literally me.

After some self-analysis, I realized that elementary school was ground zero. Being in the “gifted” class, I always felt that I didn’t belong, that I was too dumb to be there. At the end of each school year, the grades on my report card weren’t what I was scared to look at but it was the section in the back, saying what class I was in next year. I was scared that I’d be booted out; BANISHED, EXPOSED FOR MY STUPIDITY! (It really wasn’t that serious bro.)

So not only have I been dealing with this for as long as I can remember, but also I’ve realized how imposter syndrome has affected almost every aspect of my life. It took me forever to choose a major because I felt like everybody in the fields I was interested in was already lightyears ahead of me. Even now, as a Graphic Design major, I still battle with this feeling that I'm not as talented or creative as my peers. Whenever I’m complimented on something, whether about my art or just about anything, I’m always quick to deny it. Not to #stayhumble, but mainly out of fear of people thinking highly of me and then being “exposed” for not having genuine skill. Even with my social life, I'm scared of showing my interests or even just being myself, all because I'm afraid people might label me as "fake" (whatever that even means).

There’s not much of a happy ending yet. This is still very much my life. But, especially after writing this all out, I realize how dumb I sound. Maybe this will help push me to get my stuff together. And I’d say that I hope people can find comfort in and relate to my story, but honestly, I hope no one feels this way.

Megan Pan

Conscience Editor